I’ve been struggling lately. Not just normal, hard to get out of bed, feel like i’m treading water kind of struggling. More of a, crying every day, wanting to run away, kind of struggle. i feel like i’m not enough for my job, not enough for my kids, certainly not enough for my husband, and definitely not enough for my friends. I used to be the one who volunteered. The one who could always help. The one who made meals and brought cookies and watched kids. Acts of service is my love language. It gives me a sense of purpose. Now i do nothing. I forget birthdays, I can barely make meals for my own family, I’m the one asking for help.

As I was talking about how I’m struggling daily to one of my friends, she mentioned starting a gratitude journal. She wasn’t being dismissive or belittling. The idea is to change one’s mindset, focusing on anything positive when all the world seems stark. the first few days I just opened a document on my work computer. But I don’t use my work computer at home, and I wanted to be able to work on this project at home as well. Then i remembered my blog. No one reads this anyway, so what a perfect venue for my daily gratitude. So today I’m grateful for the anonymity of online blogs, where I can express exactly how i feel. Anyone could see it, but no one will. I know I won’t write every day, but i’m shooting for 4 days a week. Hopefully it helps. Here goes nothing.