Today is my dad’s birthday. he passed away 13 years ago, from complications due to alcoholism, and I still struggle every year on his birthday and death day. He was a great guy. Great sense of humor, always willing to help out. He took me to buy my first car. But he was also an asshole. He made horrible choices when he was drunk, spending everyone’s money and breaking everyone’s hearts. I’m both sad and relieved that my children will never know him. To paraphrase Gilmore Girls, today is one of my dark days. So I’m going to try to flip it into gratitude.

I’m grateful that I got to know my father, that I had 27 years with him. He was adopted and always felt unwanted (through his own sense of low self worth, not through anything his parents did). I never had to struggle with that. He took me camping and fishing as a kid, and taught me how to shoot a bb gun. He taught me a lot about how I wanted to be as a parent, and about how I didn’t want to be. He taught me (unintentionally) about mental health and addiction, something i’m working on personally (depression/anxiety) and something i use daily in my job. Watching him taught me the dangers of addiction, how a substance can control your entire life, harming everyone around you, taking everything away from you, and eventually killing you. I am so grateful I had my father in my life. I’m going to end with a poem that perfectly sums up me and my dad.